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What If, Chapter 4 - Damage is Done with Secrets and Lies

Nov. 10th, 2013 | 02:02 am

Title: What If (Chapter Four) - Damage is Done with Secrets and Lies
Author: amypinkpoison
Rating: No big for this chapter. Just a little Teeny warning. First base and a half.
Pairing: House/Cameron, Cameron/OC

Chapter FourCollapse )

The word is Genderist. Spread the word.

Nov. 8th, 2013 | 10:24 am

Joss Whedon on why he hates the word "feminist":

[Y]ou can't be born an ist. It's not natural. You can't be born a baptist; you have to be baptized. You can't be born an atheist or a communist or a horticulturalist. You have to have these things brought to you. So 'feminist' includes the idea that believing men and women to be equal, believing all people to be people, is not a natural state. That we don't emerge assuming that everybody in the human race is a human, that the idea of equality is just an idea that's imposed on us. That we are indoctrinated with it, that it's an agenda.

And that's when I realize....my problem with feminist is not the word. It's the question. It's the question, "Are you now, or have you ever been, a feminist?" .... This question that lies before us is one that should lie behind us. The word is problematic for me because there's another word that we're missing. That words have failed us. And I'd like to use as an example, race. In the public discourse, there's one word to deal with race. 'Racism'. That is the word. And it implies something very important: it implies something that we are past . When you say racist, you are saying that is a negative thing. That is a line that we have crossed. Anything on the other side of that line is shameful, is on the wrong side of history.

That is a line that we have crossed in terms of gender, but we don't have the word for it. People are confronted with the word 'feminism' and it stops them; they think they have to deal with that. But I think we're done with that as intelligent human beings. Being on the wrong side of history in terms of the oppression of women is on the whole of history, all of recorded history, you're on the wrong side. .... I start thinking about the fact that we have this word when we deal with race that says 'We have evolved beyond something', and we don't really have this word for gender.

My pitch is this word: 'genderist'. I would like this word to become the new 'racist'. I would like a word that says, "There was a shameful past before we realized that all people are created equal, and we are past that, and every evolved human being...is past that, and to say 'I don't believe that' is unacceptable."

Meet Lexie

Nov. 4th, 2013 | 12:18 am
Where I'm at: Encino, California

Meet my little pumpkin pie, Lexie. She's 5 months old and my other half gets annoyed because I treat her like a child.


What If, Chapter Two - That's Why Home Life & Work Life Should Be Kept Separate

Nov. 3rd, 2013 | 07:49 pm
Where I'm at: United Kingdom, England,Borough of St. Helens, Saint Helens

Title: What If (Chapter Two)
Author: amypinkpoison
Rating: No warnings for this chapter.
Pairing: House/Cameron, Cameron/OC

Chapter TwoCollapse )


What If, Chapter One - Happily Married

Nov. 3rd, 2013 | 03:38 pm
Where I'm at: Encino, California

Hey guys!
I've been away for a little while...okay, four years. No excuse other than I stopped watching House when House/Cuddy went canon (it broke my Hameron heart!) and only recently went back and started watching from the very beginning when my other half got hooked :)

It's based around the idea of: what if Cameron's husband hadn't died and she'd still been married working under House?
The rating is pretty much Teen to R for themes, situations etc.

Hope you enjoy it, and please R&R :) I've just posted the update (chapter 11) to FF.net but thought it'd be best if I posted from the beginning on here seeing as I've been gone so long!


Clickety ClickCollapse )


The Prodigal Daughter Returns

Nov. 3rd, 2013 | 02:33 pm
Where I'm at: Encino, California

Hello, all!

So...I've been gone for 4 years. That's insane.

I stopped watching House, M.D. after House/Cuddy became canon, and I mostly used LJ as my home for House/Cameron fangirling. Canon hurt my shippy heart.

I got my boyfriend watching a few eps of House and we decided to go right back to the start (we're now up to Season 4). Going back to the start, of course, reignited my love for Hameron. So, I decided to seek out my old haunts (FF.net and LJ) and take up some of the stuff I put on hiatus indefinitely after I stopped watching the show. I've just written a long-overdue update to What If and posted it to FF.net.

I don't know how many of my old buds are still on here, or whether they jumped ship at some point too. I really hope I can reconnect with my old LJ family and pick up my writing skills from where I left them! I don't know if any of you remember me at all, but I'm really looking forward to getting back to being active on here again and I hope you'll forgive me for being away so long!



Stolen Cinderella - Chapter 20 Part 2

Nov. 23rd, 2008 | 04:00 pm
Mood: cold cold
Tunage: Colbie Caillat - Oxygen


Title: Stolen Cinderella [Chapter 20/21]
Author: Amylia
Rating: R for themes, and everything else I could possibly get sued for if I don't include under this.
Pairing: House/Cam of course
“I just need some reassurance on this one. I need to hear from someone else that I’m doing the right thing.”

And here's part 2!

Feedback: It's been mooooooonths since I've posted an update for this and it's all finished now. This is the second to last chapter. Feedback would be better than sliced bread, if anyone remembers this fic from pretty much years ago lol.

Disclaimer: The Cameron/Wilson scene has been worded around the wonderful scene in 05x01 so spoilers for that pretty much. Oh, and I don't own them, though they are all on my Christmas list :)


Here's the links for previous chapters:

Chapter One - Catalyst
Chapter Two - Hindsight

Chapter Three - Possession

Chapter Four - Cold

Chapter Five - Everywhere

Chapter Six - Nowhere

Chapter Seven - Doubt

Chapter Eight - Touch

Chapter Nine - Personal

Chapter Ten - Hallucinations

Chapter Eleven - Patient

Chapter Twelve - Blessings

Chapter Thirteen - Identity

Chapter Fourteen - Angel

Chapter Fifteen - Complicated

Chapter Sixteen - Connections

Chapter Seventeen - Friends

Chapter Eighteen - Family

Chapter Nineteen - Home

“How’s she doing?”


Cameron looked up and managed to offer a weak smile to Danny as he slowly entered the room. The worry was as clear on his face as it was on hers. Over the months he’d become a kind of surrogate father to Faith, the only constant male figure in her life, in the same way that she had become the maternal figure for Charlie. Nothing had happened between Danny and Cameron, but there was always the subtext that they never quite got round to addressing. Cameron never seemed to recognise it existed, but he certainly felt it every single time.


He was careful, almost cautious, with her, still. After finding out about her ordeal months ago, she could tell he half expected her to freak out at any given moment. But she’d become a lot better at handling panic attacks now. She still had the medication at home, did she need it, but she’d so far managed to get three panic attacks under control without resorting to the drugs. That in itself made her feel much more confident in her ability to manage, and Danny backed her up every step of the way.


He’d witnessed a few of her near misses when it came to panic attacks. But he’d also watched her progression into controlling and dealing with them when they arose. He’d never admit it to her, but he’d definitely fallen hard for Allison Cameron. And as much as he thought he’d had it well hidden, Kate seemed to pick up on every little glance, every lingering hug and the way his smile would be that much brighter if she was the cause.


Sometimes, as sad and pathetic as it seemed to him, Danny would often find himself pretending there was something more than a very close friendship between them, imagining waking up beside her every morning and raising their kids together…a family. Just like he’d always dreamed. After Julianna, he’d been so sure he’d never love another woman like that again. She’d been his fire, his reason to get up in the morning. And what scared him was that gradually, almost undetected in its progress, he’d come to feel close to that with Cameron.


Every time he came close to bringing up the subject of ‘maybe we should make this something’, they got sidetracked, or he chickened out. There was never the perfect moment, and he needed it to be right.


When she’d mentioned to him that she was considering going back home to Wisconsin, he was sure part of his heart, whatever was left after Julianna died, had broken and he felt his stomach churn in a way he hadn’t since waiting for news of Charlie’s birth.


And what had terrified him even more was the fact that before he’d even thought about the implications, words had been passing his lips.


“We’ll come with you. A new start for all of us would probably be the best thing in the world that we could do.”


And she’d been just as shocked at him as he was at himself. She had been astounded that he would leave the little family he had in New Jersey, the secure job he loved, to move halfway across the country to a state he was completely unfamiliar with. But what struck him was how blind she was. It didn’t even hit her that he’d move because of his feelings for her, because he couldn’t bear to lose her.


“They’re still testing her for whatever crazy diagnosis House comes up with-”


Danny sat beside her on the arm of the chair, his hand finding hers as he gave it a reassuring squeeze. She let out a shaky breath and returned the gesture, her eyes remaining on her daughter. It was almost becoming routine now that some terrifying ordeal would follow them around, and as Faith’s monitor began to speed up again, Cameron jumped up, once again unable to separate doctor from mother. Faith’s cheeks were red and she was hyperventilating, unable to breathe.


House, with Foreman and Kendall in tow, had just entered the room moments before the respiratory attack, and Foreman was intubating the six-month-old patient before House even had time to make a snarky comment about Danny’s presence. It grated on him that the man was still a part of Cameron’s life, but really he knew it was only down to his own shortcomings that Danny was sticking around.


“So we can add respiratory failure to our nice little list?”


He didn’t even seem to care that things were getting more and more serious for Faith. The machine she’d been attached to was breathing for her and silent tears were streaking tracks down Cameron’s cheeks. She couldn’t bear to look, turning away to find Danny’s arms already circling her, pulling her to him as though trying to protect her from it all. To anyone on the outside looking in, they appeared to be just another young couple terrified of losing their child.


House’s face darkened and he tore his gaze from the two, jealousy coursing through him at Danny’s ability to so easily show Cameron affection and comfort. She needed that, and he wasn’t an affectionate kind of guy. She knew it, he knew it; hell, everyone knew it. Yet at this moment, when he actually felt the desire to hold her like that, he knew that the only way he could help ease that pain would be to solve this puzzle. And that was a win-win situation. He got to pour all his energy into a case, obsess about it without anyone so much as blinking, and he would be providing more relief to Cameron than Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Italian could with his affection and endless comforting words.


“Cameron, we need a kidney biopsy. I don’t think I need to explain the ins and outs.”


Cameron turned out of Danny’s embrace, regarding House carefully through hazy, tear-filled eyes, and sighed softly, arms folded in her own self-preservative action.


“You’re testing her renal functions on the basis of respiratory failure? What grounds do you have for me to agree to you taking a piece of my daughter’s kidneys? ‘Higher end of normal’ LFT results don’t indicate full-blown renal failure, House.”


She sounded a lot stronger than he’d expected, though his surprise was contained well.


“And if her DNA was 'higher end of normal' she'd be a dolphin. Let me do this.”


He kept an intense gaze trained on her, silently asking why she felt a need to ask, when half of his ideas were seemingly unfounded yet always yielded some kind of answers. And she'd always trusted him before, so why should that change now? Because this time the patient was her own daughter? That should be more of a reason for her to trust him implicitly, in his mind. But on the other hand, the fact that this was her daughter and not some random patient played the main role in why she was questioning him. And as much as he had no clue what unconditional protective love was like to experience, he could understand what she must be feeling.


Defeated, her shoulders slumped and she nodded wearily, the strain of it all weighing heavy on her.


“Just…find out what’s wrong with her, House. Please don’t let this be one of the puzzles that you can’t fix…”


He broke his gaze away from her, the desperation in her voice slicing through him. His eyes flickered to rest on the baby, attached to various different monitors, her chest rising and falling in rhythm with the ventilator.


“We’ll do a CT as well, just to rule out possible stroke.”






“I just need some reassurance on this one. I need to hear from someone else that I’m doing the right thing.”


Cameron didn’t even say hello as she entered Wilson’s office, startling him a little as the door flew open in her wake. Her eyes were still red and her cheeks damp from anxious tears but she didn’t care. She was past the point of being bothered if mascara was staining her cheeks.


Wilson slowly put his pen down; pushing aside the files he was working on and folding his hands atop the desk. Even without an explanation, he understood. He’d heard Cameron’s situation already. Word travelled faster than disease in this hospital after all. He gestured to his sofa and Cameron didn’t hesitate, closing the door and making her way to the welcoming comfort of the sofa and dropping heavily down onto it, as though all the weight in the world was on her shoulders and she was struggling to carry it.


Pausing a moment to study the understandable fear and worry on Cameron’s face, torment playing over her features, he made his way round his desk and sat beside her. She immediately crumbled, covering her face with her hands as she rode out the emotions. They came in waves, crescendos of blinding fear swirling beneath the surface that she usually managed to keep behind the mask she’d learned to perfect over the years.


He reached for her, arms circling her as her tiny body trembled, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back as Chase had done earlier, but Wilson was less awkward with the action, no uneasy, still-raw history creating a canyon between them. He was attempting to comfort in the only way he could right now. She needed to let it out before she could reasonably talk things through.


As her sobs subsided, she managed a grateful smile as he let go of her. Grasping her hand, he looked earnestly back at her and spoke carefully.


“You’re doing the right thing. House is brilliant, and you know that as well as anyone. Better than anyone in fact. If he has some whacked out idea…just let him run with it. Try to be objective, Cameron. I know that’s nearly impossible when it’s your own child, but if you can separate medical from personal, you’ll get through this. And Faith is going to get through it. After everything you’ve both been through already, you’ve seen how strong she is. She takes after her mother on that one.”


He smiled softly, giving her hand a squeeze and she sighed with a weariness she’d accrued over the past year of continual and taunting hardship. It just seemed to be one thing after the other.


“It’s like it’s not enough that she’s partially blind and brain damaged…things just keep…happening. And I feel completely useless. What kind of mother am I if I can’t even protect my child after everything she’s already suffered because of me?”


She knew her thoughts weren’t rational. But she was going through the stages. She’d already been through denial long ago. She’d had to get past that quickly. And then the anger had assaulted her. Why her? Why did everything go wrong in her life? What had she ever done that was so bad? And if she really was such a bad person, why did House constantly shoot her down for being ‘too nice’? She hadn’t been able to answer her own questions, and nobody had simply handed the answers over. It wasn’t that simple.


Guilt had accompanied the anger and she was riding this out as best she could. It was lucid in its passing, as though she knew which stage she was in, as though she could see the light at the end of each stage’s tunnel. Right now, she was stuck in the terrible limbo of anger and despair. There was nothing she could physically do to help Faith. Banned from involvement in her daughter’s case for ethics sake (though since when did House care about ethics?) all she could do was stand and watch. Helpless on the sidelines. The anger and despair were tearing her apart and she was simply praying for acceptance to arrive soon.


“You know none of this is your fault, Cameron. I don’t even need to tell you that, because deep down you know that none of what you went through was in any way down to you. And none of what’s happened to Faith is your fault either.”


She was staring absently out of the window, as though her eyes were trained on some invisible angel perched high on a cloud, watching over everything and keeping Faith from any more harm.


“Every time…” her voice hitched and she swallowed the lump in her throat, “Every time I try to leave this place…something always drags me back. I need to get away from here.”


There was an edge to her voice, a quiet and simmering determination that was blurred and yet sharpened at the same time by the current anguish she was drowning in. He regarded her carefully.


“The hurt won’t just go away because you leave, y’know. You’ll still be a single mom and Faith will still have the problems she has-”


“I’ve already had this lecture, Wilson. ‘At least everyone here knows; at least you don’t have to pretend with us; at least we know you’. I know how that song goes; I’ve heard it plenty. But if I go, I won’t have the constant reminder of…how it came to this. I’ll have people around me who actually do give a damn without being clouded by the fact that I was raped,”


There was a flat edge to her voice, as though she was distancing herself from her words to make them hurt her less.


“No offence, that wasn’t directed at you. I get the sympathetic looks and the ‘how are you today, Dr. Cameron?’ as though they expect me to break down right in front of them. I know they mean well, but it tears me down a bit every time I feel the stares and every time I hear the whispers and the rumours of nurses betting on how long it’ll be before I turn up to work with a semi-automatic and take everyone out. I need to get out of this place. And I need to be away from…him. Too much has happened and there’s too much we can’t get past. It’s better if I just give up this fight.”


Wilson frowned. House hadn’t mentioned anything to him about Cameron; at least not in the past few weeks. When she’d first been found after…the incident (as they tactfully referred to it as now), he’d been sure House was on the verge of finally confronting his feelings for Cameron. In fact, that had been the Bet of the Month with the nurses. Everyone had been sure he’d crack and finally some kind of admission would slip from him, one secret out of many to finally see the light. But they hadn’t gained any kind of gratification with their bet and it was still unruled. If anything had ever happened, the nurses were still in the dark, much to their annoyance. Wilson had the nagging feeling Stacy’s presence had made his walls instinctively go up again.


So for him to now hear that some of the rumours surging through the gossip mill might have had some actual relevance and truth shocked Wilson. The way she’d said it, it definitely sounded as though something had happened between her and House. So why hadn’t House told him? It wasn’t something he’d usually keep from his best friend. Unless it meant more to him than he would ever have been willing to admit.


“House…already tried to convince me to stay, in his special way that comes out more as a string of insults. I shot him down. He backed off. I was finally leaving, for real and not just as an idle threat, and…this happens.”


“Well, I think he’s right. You shouldn’t leave. You think this is a rational choice, you think the worst is over. And then, six months later you look back and you realize…you didn’t know what you were doing.”


She remained quiet for a moment, her eyes holding his as she searched for some kind of comfort that he was withholding right now.


“Are you saying this pain won’t go away?”


“It might get easier to handle. With time everything does. But it won’t be in two months, probably not in two years. Sure, you’ll have your sisters, your parents…that might help. Then again it might not. You could talk to them, maybe that will help. I mean, they'll understand, with everything you've gone through, how hard it all is for you.”


She dropped her gaze, guilt simmering beneath a weary surface. He looked at her incredulously.


“They don't know? You haven't told them? Cameron, they're your family-


“And you don't know what my family are like!” Her voice was shrill and he could tell this was a touchy subject. He didn't know why and now probably wasn't the best time to go into it, “My family don't talk about problems. We repress it all and we don't ever consider therapy because, well, why tell a stranger your problems when you can use them to hurt the ones you have the problems with?!”


There was a deafening silence for a moment, Cameron's ragged intakes of breath the only sound in the room breaking the tension. Wilson finally met her eyes. He decided to steer that subject away from her outburst and back to the main issue.


“But the pain of raising a brain damaged and blind child isn't going to go away, and you need your family to help you through it if you're going to leave here. If they don't know why Faith's got the problems she has, how can they really help you? What's not going to change is how hard it is, if they know or not, whether you leave or not. What’s not going to change is how you feel when you look at her and remember everything that’s happened. You can live round the corner, or you can live five hundred miles from here…that won’t alter your memories. Something will always remind you and trigger them.”


He looked away, training his eyes on the files on his desk. This wasn’t a pleasant conversation. But it had to be said.


“I see this every week, Cameron. I diagnose terminal cancer and I see the stages. I see the kind of pain, anger, resentment, and fear in you that I see in them. Some of them try to run. But you can’t outrun this. This is like your cancer. It’s not going to kill you, but it’s causing the same symptoms.”


“I-I need to do something.”


She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat back again and refusing the move.


“Then do it. But don’t think it’s the right choice, because…there isn’t one.”






“What are the results?”


“Are you her parent? No. I’m not discussing this with you. Where’s Cameron?”


House had entered Faith’s room to find Danny anxiously sat on the chair, hands clasped in front of him as he rested his elbows on his knees. Charlie was fast asleep in his carry-chair beside his father, looking as though not even an atom bomb exploding could wake him up. As the door was pushed open, Danny rose to his feet; an expectant and hopeful look on his face. He’d been there for two hours now and was as eager for any news as Cameron was.


“Allison just stepped out about a quarter of an hour ago. She should be back in a minute,” he frowned, looking back at Faith and then finding House’s gaze again, “I’m practically her father, why can’t you tell me what’s going on?”


This caused a surge of contempt to course through House and he stepped forward, into Danny’s personal space. He didn’t like the guy, never had. And he didn’t like the way he was apparently so close to Cameron that he considered himself ‘practically Faith’s father’. It grated too, how it struck him how much of a happy little family they appeared to be, with the two kids and the shared concern.


“She’s not your kid and Cameron’s not yours either. Results are confidential. You’re not suddenly granted a free pass just because you’re hot for the kid’s mom.”


Danny was taken aback by the venom in House’s voice, and his eyes widened as the words sank in. It suddenly occurred to him that he clearly wasn't the only one who was ‘hot for’ Cameron, as House had so nicely put it. There were definitely some tacit feelings hidden underneath the acerbic surface of this man and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had something to do with why Cameron had suddenly wanted to pack up and leave so quickly. Had something happened between them? That thought shouldered its way through Danny’s mind and caused a feeling of disquiet to settle over him.


He’d seen them interact before and, though he’d never really pinpointed it then, never having any reason to think there was more than just a professional relationship between them, he distinctly remembered the awkward ease they had between them, the tense discernment that they shared, which only they could relate to and everyone else outside their invisible realm was oblivious to it until it was pointed out. It was a kind of strained understanding of boundaries and perhaps emotions that ran deeper than what they would allow themselves to acknowledge.


“Dr. House...I don't know what you think is going on, but I'm not insinuating that Allison and I are...involved. We're very close, but...there's nothing else going on,” he said it carefully, trying to hide the strain in his voice that would give away how much he so wished there was something going on with her.


House steadied an intense gaze on him for a few endless moments and Danny could almost see the wheels in his head turning. But no emotion passed across his face to betray whatever he'd concluded.


It was that moment that Cameron chose to reappear, her mouth opened to speak as she walked through the door, but closing instantly as she saw the two men, toe-to-toe, in the middle of the room. She shot House a warning glance, hoping he hadn't already been too abusive. Danny looked a mixture of surprised and confused, which made Cameron wonder what exactly was going on.




Her tone clearly signalled that she was in no mood for any abrasive or sarcastic behaviour from him. He said nothing and not even a flicker of feeling passed over his features as he took a step back from Danny. But that was enough for Cameron and she sighed, shaking her head.


“I'm assuming you're here with some results? Probably results that say her renal function has nothing to do with this.”


There was a determined capability behind her weariness that belied a fragile surface, which made her look as though she would break at any second. But she never did. She always fought on, never backed down. She had an inner strength that even House admired...silently, of course.


He looked over at the child sleeping, breathing with the aid of the ventilator, before finding her eyes again. He wouldn't tell her she was right...because she wasn't. After the respiratory attack earlier, it hadn't been good news. Faith had developed an arrhythmia, so he'd sent Kendall off to check ECGs and chest X-rays of the child. The liver functions had increased again and he was puzzling the pieces together slowly but surely.


They were keeping an eye on her heart too, which is why they'd almost anticipated the cardiac arrest that screamed through the air and shattered the tension between Danny, House and Cameron. Danny held Cameron back, keeping her enough distance away from the bed that she was straining to be closer to her daughter. But there was no good she could do crowding the bed. Nurses had rushed in and House was delivering shocks via the defibs. It was painful to watch, the baby's body jerking helplessly as the electrical currents passed through her.


It was at the point when they were sure they'd lost her, when one last shock suddenly silenced the room for a moment and the heart monitor showed a relatively normal heartbeat.


Cameron almost collapsed with relief, grateful that Danny was supporting her as her legs gave way. She'd been so terrifyingly close to losing her child and the thought made her dizzy. House replaced the defibrillators, leaving the nurses to tend to the baby as he turned back to Cameron.


“We'll check for clots, make sure that won't keep happening. Can't be much fun to nearly die. If it is a clot we'll go in and make sure it's just a slow bus in the centre lane and not a ten-car pileup-”


Danny looked utterly baffled by the metaphor but Cameron distinctly remembered him using that one before. As she kept her gaze on him, the look dawned on his face that she knew very well. Realisation. Her heart skipped a beat and she pulled out of Danny's arms, moving closer to House, standing right in front of him with eyes full of the naïve hope that he could still save the world. Or, at least, her world.


But he didn't give her an explanation; limping towards the door with that look of sheer single-mindedness he had when he knew he'd cracked it. Now she was just praying it wouldn't be something terminal.






“She has Reye's Syndrome.”


Kendall had been the one sent to deliver the news and Cameron almost felt sorry for her. She'd been thrown right into the middle of this and had no clue of anything preceding her arrival. All she knew was that Faith wasn't just any patient and Cameron meant something to all of them, perhaps most significantly to House, despite the fact that he'd never verbally acknowledged it, at least not in Kendall's presence.


Cameron's hands covered her mouth as she took in what she was being told. She'd been a doctor longer than Kendall had and she didn't need Reye's Syndrome explaining to her, but she shockwaves that were rippling through her caused her to sit silently as Kendall spoke.


“-We looked at her full body scans again and when we'd re-tested her brain we'd noticed mild encephalopathy. That kept increasing but we've managed to stem the encephalitis and luckily we slowed it in time. Her heart wasn't throwing clots like we'd initially thought but her brain was. A clot had caused the seizures earlier. The first seizure was febrile but after that the clots caused a lot of the symptoms. Dr. Cameron...I know you're a doctor so I don't need to explain this but...there's no definitive cure for this. There are treatments, and we've already started her on intravenous IV-G solution and fluids. With those she should recover brilliantly, but along with her other...problems...”


“I understand.”


Her calm was unnerving. She'd even unsettled herself with how steady her voice came out, when inside she was slowly breaking, piece by piece. Danny was stood beside the chair, squeezing her shoulder supportively, as Kate and Stella stood at the end of Faith's bed, silently taking in the news.


After Kendall left, the four adults remained silent, the diagnosis still hanging in the air between them, punctuated by the steady beeping from Faith's heart monitor.


“We'll give you some time with her, Ally.”


Kate said softly, finally dragging them back to their harsh reality. Danny and Stella both nodded, cautiously making their way toward the door as Cameron just stared into space, her elbows resting on her knees. She didn't even seem to hear them, their words swimming through her mind but seeming incoherent to her right now.


Alone in the room with just her daughter, Cameron stood on shaking legs and leaned heavily on the child's bed, looking down with shining eyes at the little girl sleeping peacefully. They'd never had it easy and it didn't look as if they ever would.


Every second in this place seemed to force upon them another affliction of cruelty. It was suffocating her, reminding her with each passing second that this was her life now and no matter what she did, no matter how 'nice' she was, the brunt of a cold world seemed to fall upon her and her daughter.


But perhaps Wilson was right. After all, she couldn't talk to her parents about what had happened to her, or Faith. She'd be hiding and dodging questions and when the truth finally came out, which it would eventually if she was around her very persuasive and forceful mother long enough, then it would only make things ten times worse.


And there it was, the eternal tug-of-war her emotions were raging on her every minute of the day. It was only intensified by the fact that she'd almost lost her child in this mess.


At least here she had Danny. Even when her sisters left to finally return to their families at home, he'd still be here. But then again he'd been willing to move with her. Though, what good would that do if they were both hiding her secret? The godforsaken secret that would tear her family apart. She couldn't ask that of Danny. She had no right.


So, maybe for now she would stay. Maybe for now she could try to sort the tatters of her life out and then when things were settled down she could move back home, with Danny and Charlie too. After all, if she had a man with her, it would certainly distract her mother enough for incessant questions to be sidetracked for a little while. If she took home a man who wasn't visibly and overtly 'damaged' in some way, that would definitely deflect her mother's interrogation for a while.

And once again here she was, back at square one. She was staying in Princeton. But she made a silent vow to herself, that if one more thing tipped the scales, she was gone. She was leaving and not even Wilson's arguments could sway her. That was a reasonable compromise, right?

Stolen Cinderella - Chapter 20 Part 1

Nov. 23rd, 2008 | 03:54 pm
Mood: cold cold
Tunage: Colbie Caillat - Oxygen

Title: Stolen Cinderella [Chapter 20/21]
Author: Amylia
Rating: R for themes, and everything else I could possibly get sued for if I don't include under this.
Pairing: House/Cam of course
“I just need some reassurance on this one. I need to hear from someone else that I’m doing the right thing.”

This has had to be split into two part because apparently it's "too long"!

Feedback: It's been mooooooonths since I've posted an update for this and it's all finished now. This is the second to last chapter. Feedback would be better than sliced bread, if anyone remembers this fic from pretty much years ago lol.

Disclaimer: The Cameron/Wilson scene has been worded around the wonderful scene in 05x01 so spoilers for that pretty much. Oh, and I don't own them, though they are all on my Christmas list :)


Here's the links for previous chapters:

Chapter One - Catalyst
Chapter Two - Hindsight

Chapter Three - Possession

Chapter Four - Cold

Chapter Five - Everywhere

Chapter Six - Nowhere

Chapter Seven - Doubt

Chapter Eight - Touch

Chapter Nine - Personal

Chapter Ten - Hallucinations

Chapter Eleven - Patient

Chapter Twelve - Blessings

Chapter Thirteen - Identity

Chapter Fourteen - Angel

Chapter Fifteen - Complicated

Chapter Sixteen - Connections

Chapter Seventeen - Friends

Chapter Eighteen - Family

Chapter Nineteen - Home


Chapter Twenty – Reasons

“Cameron, you’re back! Thought you were gone for good.”


It felt somewhat like déjà vu; Foreman and Chase greeting her, a warm and friendly embrace from Foreman and a smile and awkward hug from Chase. He still didn’t know how to handle her, and she couldn’t exactly blame him. He seemed to be overly used to her pushing him away if he tried to get close. She felt somewhat guilty that they’d come to this, awkward tension and nervous energy between them, but that was the way it was and they couldn’t exactly go back and change things now. Better to just put it behind them, as much as that was possible when they had a child together.


House barely turned around. Not that she’d really expected anything different. He glanced her way and gave a succinct and barely perceptible nod before grabbing his cane from the table and making for the door.


“Clinic duty calls. Wouldn’t want Mistress Cuddy to come after me with the whips and chains…”


He pulled a face that indicated less-than-pure thoughts were supposed to have been conjured by his words, before he swung open the glass door and left without a backward glance.


“Welcome back.”


Foreman muttered to Cameron, shaking his head at the complete disregard House had shown her. She didn’t look surprised or even remotely fazed by it…but he could never tell these days. She’d become the master of vacant looks and the ‘shrug it off, doesn’t bother me’ attitude. He had a feeling though, that inside it was a bit of a stinging blow. Yet again.






“Do you want me back or not? Don’t blow hot and cold with me, House. I came back because…I thought…”


Cameron had simply let House avoid her all day. Each time she’d seen him disappearing off in the other direction she’d bit back the anger the bubbled inside her and brushed it off. She honestly didn’t know where she stood. It had been three months now since the evening he’d turned up at


Kate had returned again for a week, though she didn’t hide her frustration at her sister’s seesawing indecision when it came to the choice of going back home with them or staying in Princeton. Cameron had simply gone back to work to see whether it would be such a mistake to go home, or whether things really had changed and maybe she had everything she needed right here after all. Kate was looking after Faith, doting on her niece whilst Cameron finally returned to work. Danny was still around though, and Cameron and Kate always took it in turns to mind Charlie for him too.


When Cameron did return to work and found nothing had changed with House, everything that had happened the few months before seemingly forgotten, she knew he’d run out of his chances. She couldn’t stay on this rollercoaster any longer. He’d managed to climb over the walls she’d built up, yet now he was running scared, clambering back over them as though what he’d found on the other side was too grown-up a puzzle for him to figure out. She thought that giving him space for a few months would have maybe helped him come around to her side of thinking, to accept there was something between them that kept them coming back no matter what. But apparently not.


“You thought what, we could play happy families now?”


House glanced up sharply, ice-cold eyes settling on her and causing the tiny hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. She opened her mouth, trying to form words, but nothing passed her lips. He was back to being the cold, misanthropic bastard she knew him so well as. So why the hell did she keep coming back, when she knew this was what he was like?


“Just because you decide to stay here, it doesn’t change anything, Cameron,” his words were a little softer now at least, a slither of regret lacing them as he looked away and trained his gaze blankly out of the window, “You’re still damaged and I’m no father figure. You don’t want Chase, great. But I’m not exactly the flawless model of perfection-”


“And I never said I wanted you to be, how many times do I-?”


“Okay! I get it, you ‘love me as I am’,” and the mocking was back. Overuse of defence mechanisms at its finest, “But you need to think about why you’re really back here. If it’s for me then, what do you expect me to say?”


She didn’t know what to say to him. Should she give him the cliché he was waiting for? The stuttering uncertainty as she tried yet again to convince him they could work? Or should she just do what she had been dreading to admit was right? Letting her gaze fall to his feet, unable to maintain eye contact without him being able to read the pain she was barely able to contain, she summoned every ounce of strength she had in her. Because she was going to need it now.


“I don’t expect anything of you…I was stupid to think I could actually mean anything to you in the first place, I know. I’ve given my resignation letter to Cuddy already, and I’ve written my own reference. It’s on your desk; you just need to sign it. And if you could make sure it gets to Dr. Rubin at Aurora, I’d really appreciate it.”


The cold, curt edge in her voice even mildly startled herself, but she simply turned on her heel and, without glancing back at him once, she made her way back toward the office. She remembered a conversation they’d had, when he’d said she’d never leave, said she couldn’t. A physical incapability. So she knew how she must look, with tears in her eyes and a beat-up heart. But this time she wouldn’t turn around; she was gone for good. He’d blown it.






“Glad to see you’ve finally come to your senses, Ally. Wasted months of your life, but at least you’ve made the right choice.”


Kate pulled up outside the hospital, a reassuring smile at the ready as she leaned to open the door for her little sister. She’d been patient, waiting around and praying she listened to her head and not her heart this time. Because when Allison followed what her heart said, it only ended in tears. Sometimes it was just better to be logical. Allison was a doctor too after all, and Kate was surprised it had taken her so long to come around to the idea that the ties with House were better broken for her own good. Some bridges really should be burned.


Cameron didn’t reply as she put the box containing everything from her desk into the backseat of her sister’s Lexus SUV. Kate was always one for turning heads, and her car was spotless. Despite the fact that she was possibly one of the most hands-on mums Cameron knew, her car was still immaculate. She didn’t know how her older sister managed it, and shook her head as Kate pulled out of the parking lot.


Sensing the tension in the younger woman’s whole posture, Kate chose not to ask how ‘finally resigning’ had gone. She couldn’t stand House, personally, but she knew it had to be hard if Cameron was in love with the guy, to finally accept that some things just weren’t meant to be.


The shrill ringing of a cell phone broke through the dense silence and Cameron fumbled for it with a sigh. Finding it was hers and seeing that it was Danny’s cell phone calling, she frowned, wondering what was so important that it couldn’t wait until she got back in less than five minutes.


“Dan, yeah it’s me…She’s…what?! Oh my God…yeah w-we’ll meet you there.”


She’d barely hung up the phone before Kate swerved into a U-turn and headed back to the hospital. The panic in her sister’s voice had made her stomach turn in knots and she didn’t even have to be told where to go.


“What’s happening, is Danny alright?”


Allison had a hand covering her mouth, clearly trying to contain her panic, and when she spoke her voice was shaking.


“It’s not Danny, it’s Faith. Sh-she’s passed out. He said she spiked a fever about five minutes ago for no apparent reason. He’s on the way to the hospital with her”






When they arrived, it was a blur of faces and fear. Cameron shoved past a few people in the lobby of the ER, wondering why she’d never noticed it was this crowded down here before. But she never went down to the ER, so why would she have noticed that? Diagnostics was pretty much dead – excuse the pun – compared to the bustle of the busy ER. Babies were crying, various people were coughing and spluttering, and one young couple who had obviously been in the midst of getting married were sitting huddled together in the corner, the groom holding a blood-drenched towel to a gash on his bride’s head. As if that wasn’t enough, someone was hysterically trying to get the attention of the already-hassled ER doctors. It was chaos. And Cameron’s passing thought was that she was sure glad she didn’t work in the ER. But her attention immediately focused on her daughter as she saw Danny, a terrified look on his face, a few hundred metres away clutching Faith to him as some nurses hurried over to help. Charlie was crying in his carry-chair, upset by the panic he had suddenly been whipped up into.


“That’s my little girl! L-let me through, I’m a doctor!”


Cameron charged through the masses of people waiting to be seen, who all yelled and protested to her pushing. Her heart was hammering in her chest, both adrenaline and blind fear surging through her as she tried to control herself enough to calmly get to Faith and Danny.


As she reached them, Faith’s tiny body began to shake and Cameron went into doctor-mode. The nurse, who recognised her, helped Cameron by clearing a bed and instantly moving Faith onto it. Cameron pulled off her little girl’s dress and turned her onto her side.


“It’s a febrile seizure, she’s gotta be 101 at least.”


She wasn’t sure how her voice sounded so steady and calm when she felt far from it. As painful and difficult as it was, she knew the only thing she could do was let Faith ride it out. Keeping a close eye on her breathing, but careful not to restrict her daughter’s alarming movements, Cameron counted the seconds. Kate was stood with Danny, both stood beside Cameron in silent support.


After a few endless minutes that seemed to last an eternity, Faith’s jerky movements began to dissipate until the little girl was completely still, in a deep sleep that did nothing to ease the panic.


Checking the baby’s body, Cameron felt her heart sink as she caught sight of the rash that could only have developed after 8am. It had definitely not been there earlier; otherwise Cameron would have noticed it.


Nothing was ever easy. She’d resigned less than half an hour ago and here she was, rushed back to Princeton-Plainsboro on completely different terms.






She wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of all of this. She hated the helpless feeling of her daughter being taken away from her once the seizure had stopped, as her own former co-workers – sort of, the ER staff were still co-workers even if she hadn’t worked there – began their routine tests to tell her if there was any serious underlying reason Faith had seized and developed a rash.


Wrapping her arms around herself, in some kind of symbolic effort to protect herself from any more heartache, Cameron paced the waiting room as she counted the minutes that passed until they came back with any news. Kate was sat watching her, knowing better than to try and calm her sister down. It would only end in hysterical yelling and tears. And that wouldn’t help anyone. She and Danny exchanged worried glances as Cameron stopped pacing and spoke, rapid-fire and anxious.


“They’ll test for meningitis, any infections and probably autoimmune disorders…they haven’t even taken a full clinical history -”


“Ally, they know what they’re doing. You know that, I know that. She had her check up last month, they’ll have the files from then. Has anything changed since?”


Reluctantly, Allison shook her head. She knew Kate was right, as always. She was the rational one; the one who had the frustrating ability to be calm no matter what the situation. She remembered ten years ago when Kate’s daughter Annaleise had developed a rash and the doctors had been quick to query meningitis. Luckily it hadn’t been though, and it turned out she was just allergic to pineapple. Throughout that whole ordeal, Kate had been the epitome of calm. Whilst her husband was panicking and coming up with a dozen different scenarios, Kate had sat calmly, distracting their twins Isaac and Aiden who had been too young to really know what was happening.


“Dr. Cameron?”


Cameron immediately turned to find Brenda – whom she couldn’t fail to recognise after apologising to her for House so many times after a particularly rude comment was aimed the nurse’s way – and silently pleaded that everything was fine and Faith was just allergic to something, praying her niece’s past experience that mimicked this would be repeated in Faith’s outcome.


“We’ve referred Faith upstairs for further tests,” and that’s when the spark of hope she’d been keeping alive was snuffed out, her legs going weak as Brenda continued, “We’ve done a CSF and sedated her but thankfully it doesn’t look like it’s meningitis. We haven’t ruled out an infection yet. If you want to see her, she’s upstairs in Paeds…we can change the attending right away if you like, but at the moment she’s under Dr. House…”


As if her day couldn’t get any worse. All hopes of completely avoiding seeing House again were now gone. And the sensitive nature of her child’s health would do nothing to stop him laying the cold sarcasm on thick and heavy, that was one thing she was sure of. But at the same time, she knew House was the best doctor the hospital had…choosing another attending just to prevent contact with him a) would risk her daughter’s life on the premise of her difficult history with House and b) would not guarantee that he wouldn’t seek her out once he found out she was back here anyway. She simply couldn’t get away from him.





“Didn’t you supposedly just ‘leave’? After that big grand exit, you’ve kind ruined the effect. Couldn’t stay away for more than a minute, Cameron?”


She’d expected the tormenting, the jabs at her apparent inability to actually leave for good no matter how many times she ‘resigned’. It was getting tired now.


But she was in no mood or state of mind to humour him. In this scenario she was the parent, not the doctor. And being qualified as such in no way helped her right now, because she wouldn’t be allowed to work on Faith’s case even if she attempted it. And the worst part was, she knew the stages House would be going through on that white board in the office, with Wilson and Foreman and her own look-alike who was still hanging around. Chase was disallowed access to the case too. After all, he was Faith’s father, and it didn’t matter what the technicalities were.


In her mind she could see so clearly the symptoms she knew would be scrawled on that white board. But as the parent, on the opposite side of it all to where she was used to being, she couldn’t be objective. Every possible diagnosis she came up with, mentally linking to the symptoms in her mind, she discounted simply because she couldn’t bear the thought that this could all end up being fatal.


But that wasn’t how life worked. Just because she refused to accept one of the fatal causes could be the diagnosis, it didn’t mean she really could discount it. And that scared the hell out of her. She was suddenly stripped of all her training and medical knowledge accumulated through the years, until she was pure and simply a mother terrified of losing her child.






“It’s not lupus, even though you probably already knew that, and we did a screen for routine ANA to rule out common auto-immunes. She’s on the higher end of normal for her LFT and we’ll keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t increase. C-reactive protein was relatively normal too so no infection, and cultures haven’t been very helpful yet either.”


His voice cutting through the quiet startled Cameron and she stood up, turning to face him. His lack of sarcasm somewhat surprised her but she decided not to question it. Faith was in her own room, attached to a feeding tube and under mild sedation whilst they carried out their battery of tests. And Cameron hadn’t left her daughter’s side in the past six hours.


It was difficult to ascertain new symptoms related to whatever this could be, from symptoms developed from birth defects, on a child who was already partially brain damaged from birth and had barely pulled through everything else that had already happened to her in the short six months of her life.


Cameron hadn’t been crying, but House could see the anguish in her eyes and the tears she hadn’t yet allowed to fall. He had to look away. He hated it when she got emotional, whatever the cause, because he never knew how to handle her. His instincts told him not to change in any way, to dish out the sarcasm and snark he was so used to throwing at her…but at the same time, part of him that he fought back fiercely, just wanted to make it all stop. He wanted to have the emotional capacity and strength to wrap her up in his arms and prevent anything else like this from slowly breaking her down. But he discounted that notion quickly, mentally scoffing at himself for such pathetic thoughts. Instead, he avoided eye contact and told her the facts and nothing else.


She needed more, but he couldn’t give it. She needed that reassurance that every mother needed when her child was rushed in to hospital. She simply needed him. But she wasn’t stupid enough to think she’d win this one. She’d given up now. After the various times she’d tried and failed, and even worse when she tried and actually found they made progress…only for them to backtrack the next day. It was messing with her head too much.


But something still seemed to be keeping her in Princeton. Every time she walked out, told him she was gone for good, something pulled her back, whether those circumstances where in her control or not. When she’d finally been all set to really leave, her own child dragged her back and suddenly she was trapped again. She couldn’t break the chain that seemingly kept her within a certain distance from House.


He was stood awkwardly between her and the door and when she made no move to reply other than to nod her head, he shuffled closer to the door, about to make his escape.


“Thank you. I feel better knowing you’re on this case…”


She didn’t know how to say it without sounding pathetic to him, and her gaze drifted up to meet his slowly. He gave a short nod in acceptance of her thanks, before leaving without another word.


It didn’t take long before Chase awkwardly slid open the door, his unease clear from the square set of his shoulders. She glanced back at him from her seat next to the crib and forced a small smile of greeting. He had every right to be there, Faith being his child as well, but to Cameron it was clear that he’d been waiting until House had left to enter the room.


He slowly walked over to her, reaching out and squeezing her arm, gently pulling her up to stand and wrapping his arms around her. His weren’t the arms she so desperately wanted around her right now, but they’d do. She let the tears that had been building up fall from her eyes as she buried her face into his shoulder. She was extracting comfort wherever she could get it. Kate and Stella had given her a bit of time alone with Faith but had promised to return later.


With too much time and too much silence forcing too many thoughts to bombard her mind, she was grateful for at least someone to act as her outlet, other than her sisters. He was trying to be soothing, rubbing circles on her back and keeping his arms tightly around her, but all she could think of was how much Faith had been through. And by proxy, how much she had been through alongside her.


Just as her tears were slowly subsiding, the monitors began to beep with increasing speed and Faith’s sharp cries shattered the silence of the room. Cameron pulled back from Chase’s embrace and their instincts took over. Ignoring the fact that they’d been banned from being on their daughter’s case, they were both still doctors and to act immediately was a response instilled in both of them out of their conscious control.


“O2 sats have dropped, heart rate increasing…”


Chase immediately put the oxygen mask over Faith’s mouth, even as the little girl struggled against it. After a moment the sats began to rise again, but Faith was still crying. Her eyes were moving rapidly and this only served to panic the little girl more. She was partially blind as it was, thanks to a difficult birth and further difficulties following it.


“Sh-she’s got nystagmus. And that’s a pain cry, Chase,” at his dubious glance she felt the need to back herself up, “I know her cries. I might just sound like a paranoid mother but I know her cries, ok? Six months of hearing them kinda makes me an expert. The last time she cried like that she’d crawled for the first time and gone headfirst into the coffee table.”


The memory made her smile sadly and Chase felt a pang of guilt and hurt that he’d missed that. Cameron had told him he could be involved with Faith if he wanted to be, but had made it perfectly clear that she wouldn’t be part of the family package. Their relationship was over and having a child together didn’t mean they could try again. She didn’t want it. And he’d had to accept that. As much as he wanted to get to know his little girl, it was still too awkward between himself and Cameron. Maybe when things had fully settled between them, when Faith was a little bit older, he could start being more involved.


But right now she had her sister and Danny there to help her. If they hadn’t been around, he would have stepped up to help her, but when he would most likely feel like a useless third wheel, he’d rather not cause the extra tension. And he still tensed when Danny was around too. He couldn’t help the possessive instinct that surged through him when he caught one of the lingering looks Danny had trained on Cameron. But he had to keep reminding himself that she simply wasn’t his anymore. Danny was a good father to Charlie, a good, constant male presence in Faith’s life and a good friend to Cameron, so what more could he hope for, for her?


Still, missing moments like Faith’s first smile, her first word, her first step…they were things he’d never be able to treasure the memory of and it saddened him. It made him wish that things could have been different for them; that he and Cameron could have tried harder to work things out. But it never really stood a chance anyway. He saw the way she still looked at House, and deep down he knew she’d never really loved him. What was the use in trapping her in a relationship she’d only end up resenting?






“So we add ‘difficulty breathing’ and ‘nystagmus’ to the board. Any suggestions, duckies? Oh and mommy is certain her little sweetheart’s crying indicates pain.”


The tone of his voice clearly scathing, House leaned heavily on his cane, keeping his eyes trained on the marred white board before him, symptoms scrawled onto its surface and mocking him with promises of hidden answers. A diagnosis that he needed this time. This patient should be just another face in the crowd, another sick baby whining and taking up time he could be spending dodging clinic hours and tormenting Cuddy…but it mattered this time. The outcome mattered because Cameron mattered.


Foreman and Wilson exchanged quick glances, the token brunette across the table from them oblivious to their instant analysis of their boss. Dr. Kendall was a well-qualified Immunologist but no one could ignore that her speciality was not the only resemblance between Kendall and Cameron. Foreman had pulled House up on it straight away when he found out who’d been hired to cover Cameron’s maternity leave. Not that House had listened or cared. He’d sharply and succinctly said who he hired was not up to Foreman, and so what if he was replacing lobby art with lobby art? It wasn’t as if Kendall was going to be around very long as it was, with Cameron being such a workaholic.


None of them had factored in that Kendall could end up being a permanent piece to adorn the Diagnostics floor. None of them had accounted for the fact that Cameron might not return. So none of them had really bothered to get to know Kendall that well. She still felt like an outsider, trespassing in territory that someone else’s presence still lingered in. But she was confident in her own abilities and her discomfort around House, unsure of how to handle his derisive and abrasively rude manner, didn’t hinder her medical skills.


“It could be Wallenberg’s.”


Kendall pointed out. Tilting his head to the side, House continued to look at the board, tapping the pen incessantly on the metallic rim as his mind whirred.


“It could be Wall-”


“I heard you.”


House cut her off sharply as she began to repeat her suggestion, and she quickly closed her mouth, dropping her gaze to the table. Foreman and Wilson barely blinked. To them, such discourteous interruption and blatant disregard for her idea was nothing out of the ordinary. They were used to it. She, however, was not. Over the months that Cameron had been away she’d grown more accustomed to it, mostly out of necessity to refrain from either slapping him or bursting into tears, but he still delivered stinging emotional backhands quite often. She didn’t know what she was supposed to have done to get this kind of treatment right from the get-go, and she’d been so very close to resigning so many times already, but she was still standing and determined not to let him beat her.


“Well it’d explain the nystagmus and the difficulty breathing. Autoimmune problems would also account for the rash she presented with.”


“But you’re an immunologist, so you are going to cry ‘autoimmune!’ The kid’s already screwed up from a…difficult pregnancy and birth. Add an autoimmune to the list and they’d have chucked her away with the trash long ago if this was Nazi Germany.”


Kendall didn’t know the entire case notes painfully by heart like the others did. She wasn’t aware of who Faith’s mother was in relation to House and the rest of the team…and she certainly didn’t have any kind of clue as to the seriousness of what mother and child had been through, when House said ‘difficult pregnancy’.


“Blood tests for D-Dimer and Coags, and I want an MRI on the littlest Cameron. Rule out pulmonary embolism and any other problems with the heart or clotting. Oh, and test the CSF again, it’ll still be in the lab, but this time check for viral encephalitis or a subarachnoid. Go.”





Jun. 7th, 2008 | 09:57 pm
Where I'm at: My bedroom
Mood: indescribable indescribable
Tunage: Life Happened - Tammy Cochran

I've decided that maybe I'll write things down. Or type, yano what I mean :P

I went to see the "Sex and the City" movie today with my best friend and second mum. I have to say, it's the best film of the year, and it's only June. LOL. I never even watched the TV show, yet I still enjoyed every minute of the movie. It made me realise a few things too. Taking risks might be worth it, because no matter what, if it's meant to be it'll always find its way. My best friend, Katie, is the one person I talk to about everything and I mean everything. LOL.

She's there for me through everything and I owe her so much. She's more than a best friend; she's the twin sister destiny forgot to give me and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm very emotional at the moment anyways, so this is probably gonna go off into some rambling emotional essay, but I just have to get that down.

I'm really scared about where my life might be going right now, cos everything's gonna be changing. It's super-pressure with everything, with looking at universities, and deciding what I really want to do with my life - if I can do it and what it'll mean if I can, or can't. I've known for years exactly what I want to do, who I want to be. But it's still tough. And I'm so terrified of failure and what I'll do with my life if I don't make it, that I forget to take a step back and look at the big picture. At what really matters to me. The people I have around me are everything. As much as I fight so hard to be the best, to do as well as I can, even just to keep afloat of it all and keep in mind who I am, it's those people who keep me grounded. They know me by heart and they know my heart, so much so that even with one look, or even a glance away, they know that I'm hurting, or that I'm the opposite. They know my faults and love me anyway. It's means a lot to me to be grateful for what I have, even if I seem selfish sometimes. I find it hard talking about it. Really talking about it. But they know, and I don't even have to use words. A ghost of a smile can be contagious, and before we know it, we're laughing.

They show me what life is. They show me how to, for a few moments in time, forget about grades and forget about med schools and forget about all the things that take my thoughts away from the me that I have inside. They show me what my dreams are without expecting anything from me, like I expect from myself all the time. They make me laugh, instead of cry, and they hold my hand when I need to cry.

I'll get my heart broken and I'll be more damaged than I am already, I don't doubt that, as the years go on. But I know if I've got those people around me I'll always bouncce back, because no matter what...they make me who I want to be. I tend to hold it all inside and then it all comes flying out in one emotional ramble, but they show me what I can be, if I just keep hold of who I am. I'll never stop dreaming and I they'll never stop being there for me. Even if they're not by my side, they're in my heart and that's what really matters. That's what counts, because you can have a life but not really live until you find the true and complete love of the people who are most precious to you.

They bring me back to life when I'm flat on the floor and can't get any lower. I don't realise it at the time, and it's only when I'm fighting my way back up that never-ending hill that I finally see them. When you're at the top, it's hard to appreciate what you have, who you are and who you have. It's when you find yourself at the bottom that you know who you can count on. Sometimes a tearful "I love you" is the best kind of "I love you" because it's more than just three words. It's a thousand words that would have so much less impact if they were all said. It's the unspoken between those three words that really make the shot, that make you feel so much that the happiness of realising it can be painful.

So this patheticly sappy essay is dedicated to my beautiful, inspirational, amazing best friend Katie, because I don't know where I'd be in the world if I didn't have my "Samantha" to keep this "Charlotte's" feet on the ground and dreams in the sky. I love you.


A little somethin-somethin'

Jun. 6th, 2008 | 10:44 pm
Mood: blah blah
Tunage: Cry - Rihanna

I was a little bored so I decided to make a kind of billboard poster thing for my fic, Stolen Cinderella. I know a lot of my friends on here read it, thanks to the absolutely amazing feedback I get after every chapter. I included a few of the comments I got on chapters on the billboard, like the quotes from newspapers and stuff you get on movies' advertisements :D

Hope you like it, I'd really appreciate any feedback. Bear in mind, I only have paint, as my computer is allergic to Photoshop *sigh*.

The beautiful base pics of House & Cameron is totally credited to amy_s_keeper and her amazing artwork.


Lemme know what you think!! :D

Peace & Cheers